The Other Path?

The other day, I was trying to comprehend several current happenings around the world, also reflect back a bit in history and then this thought just occurred to me...

Are we just entertaining our own big fantasies? All these brilliant concepts and ideologies... civilization, democracy, etc.... were these just some notions, derived out of the urge to bring harmony to the way mankind  exists together? Make community living more organized, leashing behaviors/tendencies that are more original and natural to any living being? Were/are we trying to fool ourselves into believing that these can be our smart means to suppress one of the most raw and basic laws of nature - "survival of the fittest"?

To me this seems to be the most reasonable reasoning, something that I can accept to be the ground reality behind so many failed attempts in making these concepts a success. In India (or for that matter any democratic country) we hold pride in the fact that we are the largest democracy. But have we really ever executed any pure democratic behavior? It is and always (right from the independence) has been a power game! The one with more power, influence has always has his/her way around things - may it be at the leaf level or up above at the topmost level of hierarchy. Since one cannot (by the principle) openly give in to your natural instincts, one starts finding loop holes in the system that can work in ones favor. That's what corruption probably feeds upon and starts polluting the glorious ideal state living. In short, there is nothing called "democracy", as we would like to conceive it... in its purest form... its only a myth!

And this seems to be true for all the possible constitutional, political, economic arrangements... some of them we saw fail right in our face, some in its deteriorated reality version.

That's why I have come to believe that these are just thought toys gone too far beyond musing. Probably, they were only conceived, as fictional "ideal states", to explore, experiment and understand the possibilities - can any of these help us suppress or overcome our natural tendencies? My question is, do we have to? What would have happened if we had not led ourselves to "civilized" communities? What would have been that other path that we as mankind could take? Where would it lead us? 

Creativity of the Subconcious...

Its been a long time, haven't dreamt of anything lately, or rather should say nothing that I can distinictly remember after I wake up. Why? Has my subconcious exiled creativity? Does that reflect my own state? I am some what getting worried..
I think this is more to do with how much time I spend thinking to myself (talking would make me sound weird!). Thats the most probable premise that can have some effect on this change. Let me see how I can work on that...

When words and thoughts go out of sync...

I don't know if it happens only with me, but I have experienced this quite a few times. I am thinking something, but when I speak it out, it takes a totally different, many times almost opposite meaning! This post is an account of such incidents, some hilarious, some awkward, which I still recollect..

"Uncle, when are you leaving?"
This one's from my childhood, I guess the oldest that I still distinctly remember... One of my Dad's friend was visiting us. He was very friendly and had kept us entertained throughout that evening with his funny stories and jokes. Next morning, I was about to leave for my school and before I said bye to this uncle, I asked him, "Uncle, when are you leaving?" He gave me a surprised look. I didn't realise, what did I say so wrong! And then he called out to my Dad, "See, your daughter is pretty honest! She wants me to leave!" Haah! I didn't mean that!! In fact what I wanted to know was whether he'll still be there to tell us more stories when we come back from school.

"Chashma bhi nahi toota!"
Here's another one... One of my childhood friends had given me a ride on her Luna. We were heading towards her house. She was all set for her 12th exams and we were probably discussing about what we'll do once she is done with her exams. I was all excited. I was teasing her about something and I think I tickled her, not realizing that she was still driving. She was taken by surprise and she took her both hands off the Luna handle! Then what! The ancient Luna wobbled for few seconds, lost the balance and we were all on the ground, the rear wheel still rotating! I could get up quickly, not much damage, but my friend took the major hit! I was shaking. While helping her up I said, "Chashma bhi nahi toota!" Her face went all red! She fumed at me, "What do you mean, chashma bhi nahi toota, aur kya kya todne ka irada tha??" Ooops!! What I actually wanted to say was 'Thank God! Chashma nahi toota!' I remember after that I had to really work hard to get back in her good books.. No, to be absolutely correct, in her Mom's good books. I remember Aunty was really cross. She thought I did it on purpose and why wont she think that ways? My brilliant statement leaves no doubt!

"____________________"
This one's actually for acting my thoughts out rather than using words.. My grandma had peeled a pomegranate plucked from our garden and had separated the arils and placed them in a bowl. So all the hard work was already done! The bowl full of rubby red pomegranate arils was looking really tempting! I gave a sneaky look (I knew Mom was watching), picked the bowl and started popping the arils in my mouth hurriedly. Immediately mom yelled out, "How can you be so selfish!" Hah? Selfish? I just wanted to say, 'they are too tempting! I'll finish them off if you leave the bowl here!' I guess, I relied too much on my acting skills! It didn't even occur to me that my expressive act can convey a totally wrong impression!

"There are hot bhajiis next to the Stove!"
And then when I had thought I was done with all such communication goof-ups, recently there was an addition... I had invited all my friends home for a small get-together. It was late afternoon and the plan was to serve hot onion bhajjis along with tea. The batter was all ready and my maid had started frying the bhajjis. I had started preparing tea on the second stove. Just then one of my friend called out saying she doesn't eat onion bhajjis and asked me to get some potato fries. I said, "Ok, should not be a problem!" I served the tea and also the bhajjis were ready on the dinning table. Everyone started having them and the chit-chat continued. In the mean time I had peeled off some potatoes and I told my maid to fry the potato bhajjis next once the current lot of onion bhajjis was done. I was myself picking the onion bhajjis from the plate near the stove and when my husband came looking for more bhajjis near the dinning table, I told him the same, "There are hot bhajjis next to the stove". One of my friend immediately taunted, "Kaisi host hai! Humko garam bhajji mat de, bas apne husband ko de!" Oh Damn! I couldn't control my laugh! I am a real idiot! I was creating room for the potato bhajjis which I was about to serve on the same plate, so I did not fill it up with the regular bhajjis, assuming everyone there will have the fresh lot! I tried explaining this later to all, but in vain. They had already got another topic to tease me with!

My little Teacher...

I was blessed with a baby girl last Nov, and she is already 8 months old. Just didn't realize how these last few months flew by! Its amazing to watch her grow. But this post is not about all the cute little things she does (they are beyond words!), it is about what she is making me learn and realize...

• Discipline : I think, after first 2-3 semesters of Masters, I have again started tracking my day by mins! Before Aadya was born, there was a time when sometimes I had to think - what to do? (standard question specially on Friday evening!). Now, my calendar is pretty much full even before I realize. Its not just about maintaining her schedule. Amazingly, all my activities are now tuned to her timings! Simple example, on weekends I used to be completely laid back. If I didn't have to go out, I didn't care for a bath till late in the day. Now, nope! I don't have that liberty anymore.. or else a lot of other things will break in the chain! So, I am being disciplined.

• Responsibility : I guess, this goes without saying. Not that I was too irresponsible earlier, but she is keeping me even more aware. May it be about keeping her meals ready on time, or maintaining the floor clean (now that she crawls around!). Always that hat has to be on!

• Patience : I am damn sure I must have grown pretty high on this index in these last few months :)

• Empathy : This is the best of all! I am now looking at the world through her eyes and believe me it looks even more beautiful and exciting. Just watching a cycle man from the balcony or the bird flapping its wings to soar in the sky or even the tender movement of the indoor plant when soft wind blows around... everything looks new, looks wonderful! She is helping me feel and enjoy these small little things, which otherwise I wouldn't even register. Its like exploring the world all over again (this time probably with a conscious appreciation). Every time I play peek-a-boo with her, she responds back with a big grin or a giggle and I think.. life is nothing less than a miracle!

Can it even be considered as an Option?

I am currently reading a book and this female character in it is hell-bent on becoming immortal. Even if you love someone so much, that you would want to be with that person forever, can still immortality be something which you would consider? It got me thinking...

I believe, the whole excitement about being alive, about existing, stems from the very basic knowledge - unalterable fact that it is a finite time affair. Imagine, you are looking at a picturesque landscape, standing on a hill top. If it is me, I would definitely be thrilled and excited about it. I would like to absorb as much of it as possible through my senses, not knowing how long it will last or whether I would get to see it again. Having experienced such moments for quite a few times, I would say that the excitement is to a great extent associated with the finiteness of the experience. Had I known that I have an eternity to keep looking at it, will I be that thrilled any more?

It is this basic reasoning that makes me wonder how can the thought of being able to exist forever thrill someone? We have stories from Hindu mythology where kings aspired for immortality. Lets say even if the wish was granted, for how long will that keep one happy? Some or the other finite year-month-day you will have exhausted all the possible 'things to do', you will have mastered all the possible qualities, assuming you used your time in the best possible ways, accumulated immense wealth and power, everything best, whatever can be imagined! Then what? What next? There will be no competition left, no aspiration, no envy, no curiosity, no anxiousness, no boundaries to cross, no thrill and hence you'll have eternity of boredom in front of you! Lets say even if you have the love of your existence with you, wont that thing you share between each other also lose its charm the moment it gets stamped as 'Eternal'? - You would have lost the meaning of it 'coz you wont be able to experience any of the contrasting emotions any longer. Its like a story without an end! Will anyone want to read it? I guess, life with all its beauties, enthralls and excites each one of us only because of the fact deep imprinted in our minds - "This has an end!"

Even if we put some faith in the concept of rebirth and imagine having a life after life and another one.. and another one, it is still not the same! We always get a clean slate to start with. Then I come to think of the soul - it never dies, lets believe. But it cannot experience any feelings or expressions until it fills into a physical form. So technically, it's being eternal doesn't count as long as it has to follow the regular cycle.

Now, coming back to a single life span, as we know, this finiteness brings in limitations. There will always be something which I didn't get to do in one life span. Say, I missed something or got it all wrong. This will keep we wanting to live more. I might sound like a sadist here, but I believe this partial fulfillment is the crux. It is the key to happiness - its like as long as you know there's something more to do, something more to achieve you are happy, you are hopeful! And thats why the end is a necessity. It is one of the essentials to keep us happy about this whole 'existing' business.

When you feel it inside...

Again I had that feeling, that typical weightless, blankness very much close to the 'suspended from a hook, ready to take in all that comes' type of feeling.. just that this time I was standing back-stage, waiting for our announcement. All my dance partners were holding hands, nervous and exited. Even I was, but there was also a kind of "still", a sort of a "silence" and that was surprising me. I was sure, I had felt the same before, yet couldn't figure it out at that moment.

Our name was announced and we all performed with all smiles and enthusiasm. After the last pose we all bowed and started walking back towards the wings. That was when I actually started realising what it meant.

I was appeased! I had always been - after every performance in school, university, I had felt that "High". This time I was grown up enough to understand it! I was pleased within and that was making everything else silent in me! I was just happy to Be!

Creativity of the Subconscious...(6)

I am at the Quarterly event of my company and as usual it had to be full of fun and excitement. We were at the terrace of a pretty tall building. There was some kind of a big setup there - a projection out into the air, some sort of a swing! Each of us had to take this ride, buckle-up to the hook and take a big swing.. wohho!! Going outwards was easy. To get oneself back on the terrace again was the real adventure. If you cant manage to come back with enough force, chances were that you would remain there suspended for ever! Probably this was not enough, for the second round we had to carry another team member on the same ride, just like those circus guys!!!

Oh God! I could hear my teammates cheering me.."Yes, you can do it!" My immediate thought was - who is light enough here? Whom can I carry if I had to? ;) I was just thinking of this and looking around when I saw Khizer smiling at me!

.. and I woke up with the same smile. What a dream! I found it a little strange then, 'coz Khizer and I don't work in the same company any more.

But thinking of it now I can completely figure this out. Few days back I was watching some show on discovery about the best amusement parks around the world. That's the reason for that swing and all jing bang. But there were two other very prominent messages there:
1st - Its been a long time I haven't spoken to this wonderful friend of mine. I have to speak to him now and look, what an opening line I've got here! :P
2nd - Is it already time for next quarterly? let me check with G3 :)