Paradox....

Suspended from a small hook, there it was...belonging to nothing, ready to accept, to believe, wondering at its own (in)sanity. Had it lost all the love for life or was it because of its unbending faith in His code? Surprisingly it was playing dumb today, letting me peek into it, unlike every other day when it drains me out by its continuous orders and commands.

Disassociation was that easy, dint know. Just loosen up the string a little bit... thats what it takes I guess. But then why is that string not always visible? (Oh I know, after all, the vice of Ownership must have taken Him too!)

Its like being planted as an agent in a mesh, to find my own way out. To? For? not known! Just given a means to rely on. Sometimes I feel He had a flawed conception, why play when I don't know what the reward would be.

But still whats amazing is the way Mind keeps making attempts in playing all safe, trying to be always right (when actually what it is supposed to do is just play). The possibilities it presents to itself are so immense that it is busy exploring them and feels that it 'knows'. It becomes a battle-field for hundreds of dependent and not so dependent attributes (I call feelings, passions) and I am left alone to follow the patterns at my own discretion. At no point do I have the knowledge of the so called global state. My decisions are the outcome of a learning system that is just as old as me. Its a fine product but still never complete (Actually in this context "completeness" is just a hypothesis, like Infinity). So it doesn't really matter! There's something bigger, more important which needs attention. I get a glimpse of it (Mind builds the stage again) once in a while but maintaining it takes a lot.

I learnt about this fact long time back. But acceptance doesn't happen that quick. Mind tricks me again into the mesh, closing all doors to itself, on me.

We both are not really two separate entities, but once in a while like that day, when it allows me to gather the real picture, it feels so! And there lies the uniqueness of His game. He gives me a Mind that helps me explore the mesh, when actually I am supposed to explore this Mind (a tiny bit of Him), which holds the key!

(Picture clicked from the Law school porch, Syracuse University)

असाही यावा दिवस एकदा...

नसावे कुठले बेत आखले,
नसाव्या आठवणी, नसावी स्वप्ने.

पाउल उठता पंख फुटावे,
झेप घेउनी उंच उडावे.

ढग कुठला शोधुनी एकला
त्यावर अल्गद जाउन बसावे.

प्रसन्न झुळूक एक स्पर्शुनी जावी
शुन्य शांतता आत रूजावी.

मिटता डोळे "मी" संपावा
धुके सरुनी प्रकाश दिसावा

तुझ्या डोळ्यांनी मग तुला पहावे
हळूच सारे गूज उल्गडावे!

- श्वेता
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